A very long post.

2010, Orientation Day @ Nafa

 I needed to get my instruments for my school work later. I'm in need of them. It's a compulsory.. But seems like my plans for later have to be canceled. Cos I didn't have the cash to get it. AH fuck. I really don't know how am I gonna get my work done.. I did ask my dad for cash for my materials.. But I don't know.

2010

I wanted to finish up this particular module by tomorrow. Spend some time alone in the cafe (how I miss doing that) and complete them. IN THE MORNING. I gotta now think of a better solution.. >: A lot of work, yes, but I'm gonna complete 'em. I'm almost there! The only thing I'm lack of now is the environment.. I just need to make myself to go somewhere peaceful & nice with nice music... Like Mindy Glehill's. :)

FIrst week of school

Anyhoos, I'm gonna commit myself to go to gym at least once a week. Cos I realised my body hasn't been really strong since I was 16-17. I skipped napha since then because of personal reason. I had straight Golds and then.... "NIL" >: hehhh

<3

& honestly, a lot has been going through my mind... but I don't know where & how should I begin. Or should I even begin, or am I "lost" in my own train of thoughts. Like, if I even know what I'm thinking.. Well, everyone will have this state of bewilderment.

How I miss myself, my very self. The days I could do silly things and laugh like theres no tomorrow.


Fin.
 I hate periods. This groggy feeling.

我真的很想哭


快要透不过气了

I feel so angry with myself for not being able to get up on time for school. I don't know why am I feeling so tired these days despite long hours sleep some times. Alarms aren't working for me these days. Ugh, damn.
Another issue, I'm trying to think of a better solution for my personal finance and school. I can't be doing this forever, while I'm still studying. Ahh whatever. Very tired and sick today. Good bye.

I like this shirt a lot!

I'm a normal person but I think I'll soon be crazy, because your craziness is driving me insane. And that probably explains my temper and patience recently. I'm losing it. I can't be swallowing everything up for years. I love you but can you not make me hate talking to you? Can you not make me hate staying at home. Can you not make me even have the thought of giving up on my studies. Can you give me some peace and be a little more reasonable and understanding?


I've been feeling pretty tired recently. Physically and mentally.


Well, have a good day everyone! Here's another rant done in the train.

Hi, I miss you.

Today, I've decided to go far beyond myself. And be someone I'm not. Let judgments decide who I am, cos it didn't matter anymore. Least I know I'm clear of crimes. But let me screw myself up. Just this once, and I'll get back on track. Cos I'm falling right deep under and I'm giving up on myself this time.

I'm sorry I couldn't live up to your expectations, dad. Or I couldn't be what you named me as. I'm not as strong as you think I am. Today, I'll drop my mask off, and just fall. I'm sorry, but I'll get back on track some day. I ain't gonna fight anymore. Cos since I came here, I've already lost. I always thought I could fight, but I never succeed.

1,2,3,4 times. I'm as good as dead. Goodbye! See ya around some day.

When the sun decided to shine.

Another entry written on the train.

At times like this, I need god to give me answers. I need god here with me. Maybe I shouldn't have left him. Maybe god is angry with me leaving him. Is there anyway I can get a clear answer of what I'm seeking for? An answer of what I should do.

Since when have I turned into sucha person. A person with an empty head. I've asked the same question years ago, why am I brought here. Will you tell me the purpose? How many people who're dear, do I have to upset. Or am I just too not expressive. Or was it because I grew tired of being expressive because of the countless failure I get. That's not an excuse Miki.

I just don't get it. What is wrong, spending time with my family. I don't get it. Okay, it's always me. Once a bad guy, always a bad guy.

Don't try hinting. I hate hints.

Well, I've finally completed 2 sets of work. 4 + 16 more to go.Oh, & 2 more layouts. wtf never ending.

It does not matter what words that comes out from a stranger. It does not matter what others think of you. It does not matter what others think of you. As long as people who're dear, know what you are. What hurts the most, is when your actions all seemed invisible. Or when your thoughts are unheard.

Your heart is hospitalized. Doctors are looking for a cure. And as soon as the cure has been found, your heart, is running out of time. Now, how do you buy more time? Or how and where do you get a better remedy. 

God likes messing things up, or was it just fate. Why does he like to put things together nicely and then break it apart. Does he not know my story? My feelings? Dear God, don't you have any idea how much have you been spinning me around? 

I don't know why was I excited for. Going through the night, making silly things. All for the very special occasion. Now it all has put to a waste. I am upset. I have the right to be. Sad.

Well, goodnight. 

I shall numb myself today. 

What a day.

When 2 worlds collided

A lot of work needs to be done in order to achieve a smoother journey. Are feelings itself enough to resolve everything else? Was protecting a crime? Was being independent an issue too?

God's working another way for me. But I'm being haunted, & I should overcome it first.


What haunts me, made me who I am today. I should do something about it, for the current situation.


Goodnight.

Had fun driving & going to school. Missed vacation. hahhhhhhh.