I wasted my entire weekend sleeping. Though I did manage to complete my work, but during the times when I'm really free, I just slept all the way =.= how....wasteful. zzz.

& during the weekends,  the only thing that was the most "happening" event was that I went for a dinner with my family. It was what they call "Ren Ri" - and at the same time, celebrated my eldest brother's birthday.   - and that was the only exciting part of the weekends.

Well, I guess boring weekends are good. Least I won't really think about food (and I could loose some weight) though I'll be wasting my life away. I've lost 2kg. 46kg now. 3 more kgs to go back to my original weight. KEEP WASTING TIME AWAY SLEEPING YEAH. 

sigh

It hurts badly, but maybe.. You should think again...

Where's the time-machine?

23 Jan 2:59am

Entry for 22 Jan, Lunar New Year.

In the morning before every other program started, my family and my 2nd uncle with Morris paid a visit to my Granny's grave. Every fell apart ever since my Granny passed on. It's really sad, and I guess I don't have much comment about it for now. But yknw, I do love her. I used to despise her, but I can't forget how much pain I was in when she passed on.

Anyhoos, lets not talk about the sad stuff. I went to Baby's house for reunion dinner together with his Mom, Sister, Grandparents and Uncle. And of course, it reminded how much happening my family was during every reunion dinner when my Granny was still around. And everyone was really happy, laughing and playing around. Till the very last final reunion dinner we had. It was a teary Reunion Dinner.

You know, I love Reunion Dinners. Though a small amount of us gather the previous day at my house for the early dinner. But something was missing.

Anyway, It was really nice of my (future) mother-in-law. She remembered the scallop like thing I like, and got it for the dinner! I'm very lucky to have met her and have her as my (future) mother-in-law. Hehehe. Seriously I really think I need to hurry get a job and repay back her kindness! She has treated me really well and I'm really thankful for everything she has done for me.

If only I could have met Baby earlier.. I could have brought him back for dinner... ):


Kay, so the day ended him in one of Baby's friend's house. Everyone went there to wish to win some cash during this festive season. I wouldn't say it's bad. Some did well, some wasn't so good.. You lai You qu la. heh.

k. done. bye.


My entries are getting more and more awkward.. Probably cos I haven't been blogging that recent unlike the past, where I used to blog everyday.. hmm.......HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE.

This is the 2nd night, my dad didn't sleep at home. I could understand the pain and how vexing he felt. It's really sad trying to hard to earn a living, getting the entire family together all by himself..

What is a family? Why did my relatives from my Dad's side are so selfish? All the could care about is themselves. They have money, they have no illness, and have so much more free time compared to my parents, yet they are always pushing everything to my Dad, saying things like they have no time "they need to go for a jog". What the fuck is this. Their own mother (my grandmother) death anniversary, they can't even make an effort to visit. Yet it seems like we're the only family that's always there. I feel really mad about this. How much effort my dad puts in, despite his illness, yet none of them appreciates. Their never thankful and grateful for all the things my Dad did. EVERYONE in that family is heartless. All they care is about themselves. How self-centered?

Whereas my Mum's side, they are totally the opposite of my Dad's side. What ever may happen, that family will always stick together and help one another. As for my Dad's side, once the main character in that family is gone (My grandmother), the family bond broke.

Sigh, how I wished things will all turn out good for my Dad, and he won't have to be like this anymore.

17 JANUARY TUESDAY.

Today, I went out with my dearest. IT'S OUR SHOPPING DAY. I kinda cheated him to Wisma just to have the beef noodle there, and before starting our shopping spree, we went to visit his "boss". The day was long, and the worst thing was that I was caught with a flu. There's nothing else I can blame but his room, honestly >:3

Had spent the longest time shopping for the first time with a boy and the best thing is with the one I love ^^ I really enjoyed myself, but the only thing that's bothering me was that the money won't stop flowing out. SIGH. I FEEL EXTREMELY BAD. I wish I've got money. And he didn't have to pay for anything. I wish I could do something for him, I WANT TO DO SOMETHING FOR HIM. Sigh, I feel so useless as a girlfriend.

& Unfortunately, he had hurt his back, because of me. (I don't have any memory of it) but he said I kinda hurt him while we were sleeping. And he was aching very badly. Hope he gets well soon.

BABY, THANKS FOR EVERYTHING YOU HAD DONE FOR ME, I TRULY APPRECIATE IT.


I wanna do something for you too.

A fortune teller told me not to think, because it will be all over soon. How true can that be? A lot has been on my mind for the past few weeks. I guess I'm pretty messed up, thinking about everything altogether. Family, relationship, friendship, school, personal finance and myself. I feel like I'm a failure in all aspects. Then as much as I wanted to avoid thinking or to even just smile a bit, I made a wrong move without knowing it. How low can I be.

Even though the thought of skipping class did flashed across my mind for a second, I will not do as my brain says. Every time I started thinking, this happens. I can't let my thoughts take over control of my responsibility as a student.. Every single thing seems drifting apart right now.. and I really am feeling stressed up. But I can't speak. I won't talk to anyone, neither am I able to speak. Cos I do not know who to talk to anymore.

All I had in mind that kept me sane was to keep reminding myself that I need to dissolve all these within me, and do not fall into a depression like I did many many years ago. I need to dissolve, not bottle it up. DISSOLVE IT.

I'm too clingy, & I rely too much on him. I'm too selfish. I wish he could be there every single time, even when I'm with my own friends, having fun, I wish he could be around and feels the same. I'm too selfish. I wish we could work and act as one, but I'm probably asking too much.


someone like me shouldn't even exist. I'm worse than the worst.